Just When I thought I had no more tears to cry

Yes! I Screwed Up This Week! Now if only someone could put me outta my misery....Broke up with my the one guy i truly because my emotions got confused when another guy kissed me...so i thought i was doing the right thing....only managed to hurt both myself and jon...and now i just wanna die...i already managed to break my own heart...not to mention that i should go to hell for hurting jon whose only crime was loving me... id do anything to have him back too.....i never loved anyone like i love him and yet i managed to screw it up all cuz of another guy....i am so stupid....i wish i could just erase the past week like it never happened...then i'd still be with jon....now i have to wait for him decided if i am worth giving a second chance...i suck at being patient...lol...i cant even get a good night sleep....and just when you think i cant cry anymore i can .... i hate crying too but this time its worth the tears.....

*sigh*

Its been a while since i have posted so i figured it was time for an update on whats going on in my life/head....

Well since my last entry work has gotten better not nearly as stressful as it was a month ago. lol Mainly cause there are new trainees that are fairing worse than me which tend to make me look pretty good lol....

Work aside i have been finding timing here and there to hang with friends when i am invited to hang out with them.....though i am now trying to stay commited to saving majority of my paycheck now so that i can buy myself a car in a few months. The only other thing i will be paying for is my phone, and the food the i consume here...and the only other thing that i actually want that i have to spend a little extra on in a new piercing....but that wont be for a few weeks i dont think....i still have to call the shop and see what the cost will be. The only other reason i spend money on is for doing little things for my boyfriend...Yesterday made it two months for us :D And I can honestly say I really Love him and i dont think i can be any happier with life right now....Theres is honestly nothing i look foward to more than the weekends where i know that he is coming home and i am gunna get to see him and be able to snuggle up to him for a few hours.... before he goes back to his base.... anyways thats enough rambling for a while so later....

Goodnight-

Blah

Guess its about time for my weekly update. Well work is going well...it is still slightly stressful but i like it alot better than i did working at mandees in the mall...most of the people i work with are all pretty kool. my week in florida was interesting got to see my beloved big brother whom i dont get to see often cuz he is in the air force and is stationed in japan. i only got to see him for like 5 hours cuz he got back from a cruise that he took with his girlfriend...they are now offically engaged which is kool...but also scary cuz i am in someways the next in line amongst my brother and cousins eligible for such a relationship...kinda creepy if you ask me...lol

anyways i got back to binghamton last friday and that was just a nightmare...i offically hate flying now....lol either way i am happy to be back home with my makeshift family i have made for myself. lol other than that there aint really a whole lot going on just chilling working and figuring out this relationship stuff which is always fun...

well its late and i am fairly tired...

goodnight-
Angel

On being in Florida

Okay so I came down to florida to see my family get my drivers license and tie up some loose ends...and from the second i step of the plane and into my mothers car i started missing the new life that i had created for my in binghamton. Yeah there isnt really a whole lot to it there but there i have friends whom have become like family to me and other people in my life that make life worth living. Unlike here in florida...the only thing i have accomplished is getting the priviledge to drive by myself without someone else in the car with me....other than that i feel like i have been put back into a box and not being the person that i am becuz most things like smoking, drinking, cursing, and even little things like playing D&D are not exceptable here among the people i know here in florida...and i also have to deal with being treated like kid again by my parents telling me what to do and what not to do...its like they forget the fact that i am now 21 and independant for the most part...well needless to say i will be back in binghamton late tomorrow afternoon and i am gunna wanna have fun maybe even go to dennys since i havent eaten there in a while lol...either way i can not wait to get back to my home, and friends/family....

everybody's fool

Okay so i dont get it i find someone of interest that likes me back and all...then they seemingly decide to find ways to make me jealous!!! i hate being jealous and i know it is normally stupid to be jealous but sometime i cant help it....this time it happens to be that this person hit a nerve that reminded me of my ex and how he treated me....not a very good memories at all....for the most part i block them out but i am a very insecure person...i know that i am not the most attractive person in the world therefore it is easy for someone that i like to find another girl that looks twice as good as me its easy...so i guess i feel like i have some what of a reason to be insecure when i am constantly aware that there might be some girl that is way more smart, intelligent and attractive than i can ever be waiting to steal the attention of the guy that i like. i dont know anymore i really dont....is a relationship really worth all this bullshit?

"Everybody's Fool"
perfect by natureicons of self indulgencejust what we all needmore lies about a world that
never was and never will behave you no shame don't you see meyou know you've got everybody fooledlook here she comes nowbow down and stare in wonderoh how we love youno flaws when you're pretendingbut now i know shenever was and never will beyou don't know how you've betrayed meand somehow you've got everybody fooledwithout the mask where will you hidecan't find yourself lost in your lie i know the truth nowi know who you areand i don't love you anymoreit never was and never will beyou don't know how you've betrayed meand somehow you've got everybody fooledit never was and never will beyou're not real and you can't save mesomehow now you're everybody's fool

staying single and moving

So i was told that i needed to blog more and since i havent in a few weeks i guess it is time for an update...lol.

Well i have been working at dunkin doughnuts for about 3 weeks now and its all good i get more hours than i did when i worked at Mandees so im happy cuz i am getting more money...so yay me...

as for the rest of life i am offically living at mitchs house im supposed to go to the post office to get a change of address form...its more convient for me to live there and walk to work in the morning and afternoon...

other than that stuff i am really am not sure how much longer i will remain single for...considering i have found someone of great interest and potential...i just gotta see what happens before i say anything more than that...

so i guess thats all the updating i am gonna do for now...

Goodnight
-Angel

Life

So...life has gotten interesting in the last few weeks...last monday i got hired at dunkin' doughnuts which turns out to be a slightly stressful job when one is in training...but then again maybe thats just cuz i am a perfectionist and expect alot more from myself than other people expect from me...guess thats just artist mentalitly that i have developed. Anyways since i have realized that i will be getting more hours there and it is more profitably for me to work there. I worked my offical last day at mandee's this past saturday and i pick up my last check from them on thursday....and all i gotta say is thank god! its not like they were giving me any reason to stay there anyways...and i am also realizing how hard keeping my new years resolution of being single for the next year is going to be...after all i am a natural flirt and can be slightly boy crazy every once in a while. So i guess i am just gunna aim to stay single for aslong as i can...basically until i find someone that i am interested in that isnt a complete ass...lol Anyways thats all i got for now write more later.

-Angel-